A short list of workplace terms and definitions to help you hit the ground running in demonstrating and leveraging your value add.

Due diligence — All in favor say ‘Aye’?

“I think we need to take a step back.” — Dear Project Team, Welcome to ‘Operation Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda, Ain’t Eva Gonna Happen.’

Commute — Total daily drive time spent thinking, “How bad could being a barista really be?”

Help Desk — The people who will look at your blue screen of death…right after they finish up their gaming wars and go to Subway.

Thinking outside of the box — Same shit but different day

“I’ll champion this.” — Dear Dumbass, Welcome to Suckerville. Population: You.

Push Back — Abso-Fucking-Lutely-Not

“I wear a lot of different hats.” — Dear Anyone, If you know what the hell it is I am supposed to be doing here, I would really, really appreciate you letting me know.

Hiring Freeze — In the interest of dignity preservation we are not bringing anyone else into this cluster fuck.

Punt — Think Duck, Duck, Goose meets Hot Potato

Sync Up Later — Let’s chat three days after the end of never, k?

One of the Tools in the Toolbox — That one guy. You know the one I am talking about.

“I don’t have the bandwidth” – “This sounds suspiciously like it is going to interfere with leaving early.”

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If you want to roll up your sleeves and take a deep dive into more work-tionary you wouldn’t be caught with your pants down saying outside of normal business hours see:

L is for “Leaving Early”

S is for “Sexual Harassment”

N is for “Not Client Facing”

I is for “I am Gonna Have to Escalate”