#1) 99% of our population — male, 0% of our population — sober. #2) Seven miles wide, 5400 acres deep, 3,000 onesie sightings per day. #3) Cost of pizza at Two Elks Lodge = $4/slice + the 6000% eat here or choose to starve tax. #4) Sit back and relax — your entire vacation is […]
Life and Lifestyle
I is for “I am Gonna Have to Escalate”
A short list of workplace terms and definitions to help you hit the ground running in demonstrating and leveraging your value add. “For now, let’s put that idea in the parking lot.” — “How about we bury that thought right over here in ‘The Dumb Fucking Idea Graveyard’?” Internal Communications — Intended to inform employees […]
10 Things I Think About to Distract Myself from Committing Commute-icide
#1. Texting while driving? Totally illegal. Crafting emails, entering 89 numbers to dial into a conference call and updating your Facebook status? All good. #2. The shoulder of the road? Never driven on. Close the shoulder of the road? Traffic backed up for 6 miles. #3. The school across the street from my house? Never […]
N is for “Not Client Facing”
A short list of workplace terms and their unspoken definitions to help you get the inside track on demonstrating and leveraging your value add (or something like that). “You should take that offline.” — Could you shut your yapper? Like now. cc: — Don’t say I didn’t tell you so. Legal — An entire department […]
My Sister’s Eulogy for Our Dad
Dad always told us if a space ship landed and he could get on it that he would go–even if there was chance that he couldn’t return. Mom, upon hearing this, would call out from somewhere in the house, “No you wouldn’t!” and he would look at me, nod, and say, “Yes, I would.” And […]
12 Travel Tips for Americans (and Others Who Are Travel-Challenged)
#1. If you don’t have to go snorkeling for dinner and/or worry about your children stepping on landmines on their way home from school — allow yourself to be (a little) ripped off by those who do. #2. Do you see people in urban environments in your own country wearing wicking shirts, pants that zip […]