Where Should You Move? 11 Semi-Horrible Suggestions

In the last six years I lived in the center of major European cities, in the countryside of others, in US ski towns, in cow towns and in motown. If you are thinking about doing something similar here is a quick guide to help find the perfect place:

1. Mountain towns

Ideal for: Semi-committed to totally committed alcoholics, those looking to live in a beautiful place amongst non-stop debauchery, those looking for a job at Starbucks or the car wash and drug dealers.


2. Medium sized towns

Ideal for: People who want a decent shot at a job outside of washing windshields and for those looking for a no-nonsense commute to The Walmart.

3. Foreign Countries

Ideal for: People who want to spend half their day at the store determining if what they are buying is for dental hygiene, hair removal or cleaning bathroom tile and/or people running from the Feds.

4. Small towns

Ideal for: People who are from that small town and for people who are from the small town, only.

5. Big Cities

Ideal for: People who love to be in the midst of everything and everyone including a high proportion of those who oddly just had their wallet stolen and need a small bit of bus fare, things that cost 4x more than humanly conceivable and the inescapable smell of urine.

6. Countryside

Ideal for: Cows, goats and unabombers.

7. College Towns

Ideal for: Those who want to keep getting older while everyone else around them stays the exact same age.

8. Beach towns

See Mountain Towns.

9. Western US

Ideal for: People who are going to make it in Hollywoord but want to master making lattes just in case.

10. Central US

Ideal for: Karl Rove.

11. Midwestern America

Ideal for: Those who never want winter or high school to end.

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4 thoughts on “Where Should You Move? 11 Semi-Horrible Suggestions

  1. A friend just quipped that most ex-pats leave their countries because they are unwanted by everyone else or wanted by the authorities. Can’t decide which one we are!

    • I don’t know if I would disagree with that statement. But of course you and I don’t fall in the “most” category. 😉

  2. Maybe some people leave to expose themselves to the world that exists outside their small hometowns.

  3. I admit the title drew me in. Escapism seems to be the thread here, emphasis on the realization that the Hell you chose resembles the Hell you left. Common denominator? Hmm…I know! It’s YOU!

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