A short list of workplace terms and their unspoken definitions to help you get the inside track on demonstrating and leveraging your value add (or something like that).
“You should take that offline.” — Could you shut your yapper? Like now.
cc: — Don’t say I didn’t tell you so.
Legal — An entire department dedicated to one word — “No.”
EOD — Tomorrow morning-ish. Hopefully. But, actually, probably not.
“My inbox ate it.” — Never read it. Never thought about reading it. Bothered by the effort it took to delete it.
RFP — Dear Vendor, Thanks for taking half of your staff and three weeks to respond to this ludicrous idea — but turns out — we don’t have shit for budget. Oops.
Initiative — Somebody’s brain child that will never get off the ground and will cause at least 12 people to give notice.
“I will take this offline.” — Chances of me ever talking about this again with anyone? Zero.
Family Emergency — Desperately need to get the F out of here.
“I don’t mean to take us down a rat hole, but…” — I acknowledge what I am saying is worthless, pointless and an utter waste of everyone’s time but, please, hear me out.
Return On Investment (ROI) — Take the number I just gave you and reduce it by say, 80% to 150%.
“He is not client facing.” — Drools. Can’t dress himself. Wicked case of Doesn’t Know When to Shut the Fuck-Up.
“Could you re-send that?” — See “My inbox ate it.”
Headcount — Total number of employees remaining which Finance has yet to figure out how to get rid of.
Total Cost of Ownership (TCO)— Take the number I just gave you, triple it and post-implementation, start making plans to shelf this dog.
Downsize — Your job? Yeah, it’s a goner.
Iterative Process — Total fail. Repeat.
If you want to roll up your sleeves and take a deep dive into other vernacular you wouldn’t be caught with your pants down using outside of normal business hours see: